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Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Learning to Love Yourself All Over Again

I can count on one hand the number of times I've eaten alone in my lifetime.

How many times? Once. And it was by accident. That may not seem weird to some of you but it's weird to me. Why am I so anti eating alone?

Haven't you ever wanted to grab a certain type of food and no one else wanted to go? Maybe a new restaurant opened and you wanted to grab something quick to eat? Haven't you ever just wanted a moment to yourself to clear your thoughts and get out of the house?

I've eaten alone once in the 26 years I've been on this earth and it's always been something I'm too terrified to do. That was before my trip. I was alone often and I ate alone a lot. And I loved it. I paraded into restaurants and didn't think twice.

Why are we so afraid to do things alone? Why do we need the constant companionship of others? Why was I afraid that people would waste time during their meal to wonder if I was being stood up by friends or a date?

Why are we so afraid of being alone? 

Sometimes it's refreshing to spend time with just yourself. After all, you are the best friend you'll ever have. No one knows you better than you know yourself.

You might be wondering where I'm going with this. For those of you who haven't noticed, though I've been screaming it to the social media world, I just spent the last two months traveling through Australia, New Zealand, and eastern Asia. I learned a lot about myself during this trip. This was one thing I've been reflecting on during the last few days.

What does eating alone have to do with these things? I was at a point in my life where I was unhappy with the direction I was heading. I had lost my purpose. I wasn't comfortable with myself. I started to feel down about myself. I was losing the fire within my passion. I started to worry I may never figure it out.

These last few weeks revived my love for myself. I'm young, I'm strong, and I'm capable. I can tackle language barriers. I can navigate around an unknown city without Google maps. Even when I get lost and stumble along the way, the best adventures happen.

The greatest thing to happen to me during my trip was that I fell in love with myself all over again. I'm comfortable with who I am. I'm confident that I will succeed. I stumble and sometimes I fall face first. But I will always pick myself back up and continue on.

I feel as if I've breathed new life into myself. Fresh air. A fresh start. A clean slate. I can start over and take a new path, instead of standing at the same fork in the road, unsure of my future. The world is at my fingertips and I can travel whenever and wherever.

Opportunity is out there, I had just stopped looking for it.

On my last full day in Sydney, while overlooking the Manly Harbor and enjoying a pale ale from a local brewery, I teared up and typed this blog post in the notepad on my phone.

I love myself. I love my life. I love the spontaneity I embrace. I love the fact that I jumped off the Auckland Harbor Bridge without a second thought in mind. I love that, for once, I booked this trip without thinking of anyone else but myself. I spent time with a best friend of mine that I haven't seen in three years.

In a world that's telling you that you're wrong and you're incapable. Prove them wrong. Prove yourself wrong.

I walked the steps of the Sydney Opera House. I swam in the waters of Bondi Beach. I bungee jumped off the Harbor Bridge in Auckland. I drank wine at the vineyards of Waiheke Island. I snuggle a koala in Hamilton Island. I hung out with the Big Buddha in Hong Kong. I shopped through the Neon Night Marks of Bangkok. I soaked up the sun on the Phi Phi beaches of Thailand.

I took this trip because I wanted to. I did it for myself. To say this was a trip of a lifetime would be an understatement. It's only left me wanting more.

Learn to love yourself all over again. Like I have. You won't regret it.

Thank you for being a part of this journey and for constantly supporting me. I'm at a loss for words for how much this has all meant to me. Your words of encouragement and praise have done wonders for me. While this adventure has come to a close, there will be many more. I'm already looking forward to sharing my next one with you, I can only hope that you will join me and that it will be sooner rather than later.

To love and unruliness, forever. Wherever this chaotic life takes us. Xx

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